Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
last night I used snow as a chaser
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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