I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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