btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
