420 ftw
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
