Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize