bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
