similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
