he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
