I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have tasted many bathrooms
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
