I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
