Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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