Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
