hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
