I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
