sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize