I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
