"it" just moved
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
