I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
