Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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