The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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