after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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