you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
