Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
