best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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