Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
