Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
