Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
