On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
