i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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