a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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