when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
