My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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