Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
