I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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