I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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