yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
