i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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