noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
