just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
