his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
