I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
