And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
