Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
