I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
they need to just BURY HIM!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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