SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize