I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We talked him into tasing himself.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
