remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
