Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
