If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
