Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
