Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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