apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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