We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Someone came in the potted fern
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
