i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I want a musical about memes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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