girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
