I am spending my child support on dildos
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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