I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
