the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
