508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
