I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
