Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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