Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
