At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
