In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I pour the whiskey from now on
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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