some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
