I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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