I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
