we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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