Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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