I'd wear matching sweaters with you
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
you made out with another girl for some wings
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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