I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
