We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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