I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the night ended with taco bell and tears
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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