I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
