i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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