had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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