the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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