I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize