im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
