I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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