so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
