Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize