He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
