I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
