there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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