did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
