I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize