just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
