i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
