He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
