It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
