He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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