i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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