You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
