one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
