walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
