nut hugger
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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