So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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