You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
