Bisexual people are plain selfish.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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