I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
