Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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