Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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