can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
