Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
