If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
