Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
