Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
